And that's just the way it is.

I had another blog once. I was witty, well-spoken, and just the right mix of early twentysomething angst and delight. (I'm not sure what anyone else thought about it.) As with a lot of things in my college days, the novelty wore off and eventually I didn't feel the need to share my thoughts with anybody. That and most of the time my (non existent) sense of humor only tickles one person -- me. So why am I here now? Well, I guess unlike "going out tops," sharing my thoughts has come back in style.

Lately I have been reminded of some of life's greatest triumphs and most aching defeats. I got married. I do not use this term often or lightly but it was as close to perfect as anything I could have ever imagined. My heart still swells just thinking of the moments I shared with the people I love most. It was simple, lovely, and sweet. The happy memories will last me a lifetime.

When all the wedding business was done, there was nothing but chaos. I've thought about it all enough so it's unnecessary to rehash here. (My rules, too bad.) But needless to say it was not the first month of marital bliss that I would have anticipated. I spent far too many evenings wondering why me, was it some sort of karmic revenge for the clear blue skies we had on the wedding day? I cried a lot, which mostly is nothing new because I do that at all times, stressful or not, but I just didn't think it was the kind of thing I should be having to do in my newlywed status. I thought once I was done planning a huge party, I'd be free of mental anguish. It was not to be.

Once things started to sort themselves out, I began anew. While not all the chaos has been resolved, my heart is not quite so heavy. I couldn't tell you how exactly I arrived to this refreshed state of mind, but I'm here. For as many things (like cars and computers) that have crumbled in the last few weeks, so many more things have become so very sweet. And therein lies my purpose.

Everything we do is another layer to our cake, each new day another piece of potential sweetness. There will be crumbles, surely there will be whole chunks that fall to our plates. But truly, and most joyfully simply, these crumbles are not lost forever. Smoosh them together, smash them against your fork, use your fingers, any way you do it is your own best way. But get them back in one beautifully misshapen piece, and eat it up. For in the end, life is undeniably pretty sweet.

So this is my cake, these are my crumbles. Crumble cakes. They may not always be pretty or worthy of displaying in a window, but they're mine. And hopefully along the way being able to share them with you will bring the delicious sense of fulfllment that I find myself seeking.

Bon appetit.